You can't even fathom all that the universe entails

I was reading Total Eclipse by Annie Dillard in this book of essays for English
and I re-realized that as interesting as space is, I don't like thinking about it. Much like I don't like to think about money.

What are the fucking odds that I would be alive on this cocky little planet that thinks it is the only unique planet ever. That we, humans, do the things we do. We celebrate holidays and gods and have possessions of value and destruction. I have a bobble head of a TV character next to my computer. We have things like this. Thats insane!

Kind of like how money isn't real. Its a representation of value. Try going to the bank and asking to trade the cash from your wallet into gold or something else thats tangible. It won't happen. That number in the ATM when I deposit a check is just numbers. That piece of paper with computer print and 2 signatures means I get every two weeks means I have the equivalent of gold (or some other value I am now told.) somewhere, but I really don't. I can buy things with a plastic card that talks to those numbers in a computer that merely represents the money which is a representation of value somewhere that I could never touch. I am hitting keys with letters to form words on a screen that I can see but its not real. Its 1s and 0s. Or better yet its specially charged pieces of silicon or whatever the fuck on a metallic wafer that is spinning around and around...once I save what's on the screen. For now it's in a RAM chip that is just a chunk of silicon.

NOTHING IS REAL

Good lord. Our lives are so absurd. Aliens would come in peace, meet us, think we're out of our goddamn minds, and blow us up just to make sure we don't spread filth and ignorance into the rest of the universe(s).

School, you are making me think these things I thought about years ago without you. I hope my fake dollar amount of value per fake unit of knowledge is worth something to me someday...more so than a piece of paper signed by people I will never meet that will certify that I know something.

GAH! Add college to the list.

What in the fuck?